so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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