So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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