She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
