My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
