i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
