so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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