i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
