my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
