Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
