"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
