yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
