This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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