Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?