Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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