My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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