I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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