Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
