Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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