At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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