Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize