i think my tv is drunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
