The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
