i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
