tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
