i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
