Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
