You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I want is dick and wine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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