Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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