WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
