So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
