is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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