You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
