you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
