Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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