She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
