I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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