My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
