I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
