No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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