I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
