I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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