I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
