I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
