Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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