Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
