yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
