my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my nose is crying tears of wow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
