with your own penis?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
