We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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