aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
