Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
