Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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