For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
