I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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