Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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