final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize