can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
