just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't deserve a penis
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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