when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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