also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
