Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
