so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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