While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
