so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
