hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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