How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize