Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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