i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
