I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
