and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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